Rolandia

The story of my island-based sovereign nation

I sometimes forget that I’m a monarch.

Tiny countries have always been of interest to me. We know a couple of iconic microstates: Monaco, an Italo-French tax haven for the wealthy, and papal home base Vatican City have cultural weight in their own right. Then there’s the less-official classification of “micronation,” which describes a political entity with no real recognition. The Principality of Sealand, based on a former English naval fort in the North Sea, is one of these. Now, if you will, allow me to tell you the story of my own micronation.

The Roland family maintains a cabin on Michigan’s Grand Lake, located in Presque Isle (which is the tip of the index finger if you’re using the common “mitten” shape comparison). It’s a beautiful compound, almost frozen in time. Once you walk up the dock, you’ll find ample space for horseshoe pitching and bonfires. What you won’t find: a washer, a dryer, any unnecessary complications. “The Cottage,” as we all call it, has been a family jewel since the 1960s. When the whole world paused in 2020, I decided to expand our sphere of influence.

If you stand on the edge of our dock and survey the water to your right, your eyes will land on a comically small island. I mean minuscule; nothing of value can ever be realized “on” this tiny mound. Maybe a few birds can pause if they’re weary, but that’s it. No one cares, so why not take it by force? A funny idea began to take shape in my head. We would name it Rolandia.

Blink and you’ll miss it.

To be clear, I condemn the sort of brutal conquering from history that upended native populations. I’m primarily obsessed with derelict slices of land too far away from their mother government to be of any use. (My favorite is Midway Atoll.) Since I would be “ruling” Rolandia from Connecticut, around 900 miles away, this island would fit my fascination like a Michigan mitten.

First, I got to work making a sign to place on Rolandia, which would declare certain vital information. Here’s what I thought to include:

• Population: 0

• Elevation: +/- 12 in.

• Date of Establishment: July 25th, 2020 A.D.

• Motto: “Fasciculis Parvis Bona Proveniunt” (Latin: “Good Things Come In Small Packages”)

I opted to make myself king. To be honest, I would have preferred being president, but the island is too small to host a formal democracy.

Note the artistic depiction of the island and insignia.

On the flip side, I taped a “Rolandian Army Sign-Up Sheet,” so that anyone who stopped by after a day of water skiing or fishing could join the ranks.

The takeover of the island did not all go according to plan. I rowed over there alone, made a short speech, and played the national anthem. What did I choose, you ask? “Immigrant Song” by Led Zeppelin…what else? However, the sign didn’t make a good match for its post, which I had shoved into the (negligible) ground, and toppled over. Consequently, I kayaked back to the cottage and gathered a small team to nail the Rolandian information into the island’s shrubbery.

On the sign, you’ll notice a seven-pointed star insignia, with a logo representing my initials in the center. A friend of mine modified the idea and designed a flag of Rolandia, though a physical example has yet to be produced.

Founding an empire has to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever accomplished. Assuming climate change has not erased the island, I’d say Rolandia is a damn nice place to be. After all, there’s no corruption, no bloodshed, and no strife. If any of you want to increase the population to one, get in touch.