A Five-Speed Manual
The five most exciting cars I've driven to date, ranked in order of savagery.
One of my ultimate aspirations is to write for Road & Track. I don’t often gear my Substack towards outspoken car enthusiasm, but I thought it would be fun to compile a list of the five most rip-roaring cars I’ve ever driven. These are ranked in ascending order, from “docile…until you turn it up” to “help, I think I’m going to die.”
McLaren GT
As far as 21st birthday gifts go, you can’t get much cooler. My dad and I rented a McLaren GT for 24 hours; in that time, I logged around 150 miles on the mean streets of Los Angeles.
When I was in middle school, we had rented a Ferrari 458 Spyder and Lamborghini Huracán on separate trips to Europe. Shame I wasn’t old enough to drive at the time; I’d say experiencing the McLaren more than made up for it. Over the rental period, I clocked my fastest speed behind the wheel of a car to date: just shy of 140 miles an hour (I won’t say where).
Despite the 600-plus horsepower breathing down my neck, the GT is a pretty safe vehicle. It does everything for you. The driver never feels in danger. On curvy canyon backroads, the McLaren acted effortless, and I never broke a sweat.
***A disclaimer before the following entry: I am neither an electric car fanatic nor an Elon Musk supporter. Yeah, a nice EV will blow me away (the Lucid Air, for example, which I’ve also driven), but I’m not a totalitarian. Musk, as (I hope) you’ll agree, is a man-child. When I drove this next car, though, I was floored.
Tesla Model S Plaid
Getting to drive the Tesla came up in a funny way. I was helping a girl I know with some schoolwork she was behind on, since she had missed a few weeks’ worth of college classes. At some point, I asked her what kind of car she had. It turns out she was driving her dad’s car, a Tesla — the “really fast one,” I think I remember her saying. My curiosity was piqued.
“Can I drive it?”
The “Plaid” version of the Tesla Model S has 1,020 horsepower. If you had told the young me — who believed that the 2005 Bugatti Veyron (1,001 horsepower) was the end-all be-all — that I would drive something which out-performs his high-water mark before I hit 25, I’d have thought you were mad. Thanks to the instant torque from the electric powertrain, the Tesla rockets from 0-60 in under two seconds, if you launch it just right. In fact, it accelerates at over 1 g, meaning you’ll fuck off faster in a Plaid than you would if you jumped off a cliff. I’ve driven a Tesla Model 3, too, which most non-car people think is fast. There’s no comparison.
I’m not sure if I did the proper launch, or whatever, when I nailed it on the backroads around Loyola Marymount University. Still, I screamed like a little kid on a roller coaster each time. I couldn’t control my shock. Sorry, Scarlett!
Porsche 928
Okay, this is my own car. It costs one-tenth what the McLaren does, and has almost 800 fewer horsepower than the Tesla. Why is the 928 on my list? Well, I cut my manual-driving tooth with this one, and it was a true learning curve. Being a world-class grand tourer built during the Carter administration, my dad and I couldn’t get our hands on a mint example. It’s safe to say my 928 won’t win any awards in a concours competition.
A lot of snarky car enthusiasts will swear that any car without a manual is “less than.” The 928, though, was made for long cruises, and most were sold with automatics. The stick option for the car was known, over time, to lead you down a road of worn-down synchros. Thus, grind-y shifts for certain gears, punishing you if you didn’t execute the perfect mix of gentle and firm. My dad later told me, once I became a natural behind the wheel, that he lied about how easy it was to drive my 928.
I’ve had the car for over five years, and my fun with the silver bullet has been had. I aim to sell it soon, but I attempted to part with the 928 out in California. My dad and I were hoping to get around the $21,000 we had paid for the car. Due to the state of the transmission, no one was willing to buy it for $5,000.
De Tomaso Pantera
The fearsome Pantera may be the best-known vehicle from Alejandro de Tomaso’s Italian automotive firm, but make no mistake: the power is all-American. Like the 928, the car you see above has Roland ownership history. After much begging and pleading for my dad to buy a classic vehicle, he bought this very 1972 Pantera on impulse at a local auction. Thanks to the beefy Ford V8 behind the seats, he felt that the De Tomaso was akin to a cut-price Ford GT40 — his ultimate dream car.
We acquired ours, in the requisite bright yellow, when I was in middle school. Consequently, I never dreamed that I’d be able to drive it. My dad wouldn’t stand for such cowardice: before we sold the Pantera (that’s another story in and of itself), he persuaded me to take il mostro for a spin.
Both times I drove the car, I never went past 50. Maybe 40, now that I think about it.
Italian supercars of the time were built for folks with short arms and long legs, so the driving position leaves a lot to be desired. Then there's the eight sticks of dynamite firing in sync behind you, which the driver handles through a gated manual shifter. Consider these two factors, coupled with the total lack of hand-holding help given to the driver, and you can understand why I didn’t want to go balls-to-the-wall.
Excalibur Series I
Here we go: DEFCON 1.
A four-on-the-floor transmission
A 327 Chevy with 350 horsepower (real horsepower, not the computer-aided approximation you get nowadays)
No doors
A windshield which only throws wind in your face
The least-effective lap belts I’ve ever clasped
The Excalibur has over 100 more horsepower than my 928, and weighs around 1,000 fewer pounds. No wonder this Gatsby-esque roadster was the fastest car in America when it debuted. As I drove it on Ohio streets, the whole car shook and rattled like a cheap fairground ride. The brakes were useless; at one point, I had to turn right on a red, because I knew that I would not come to a stop in time.
I figure that if I can drive the Excalibur without any major hiccup, I’m ready for a career at Road & Track. Hey, Hearst Magazines, my email’s open!
Once again you had me interested in stuff I don’t care about—well done my friend😊